Signs, messages and a ritual for momma...
My momma loved roses. She loved all flowers, really. I remember when I was younger it was daisies she favored. I’d buy them for her on Mother’s Day. They were the flowers I chose to lay on her casket before she was buried. They made her happy.
She worked at a garden nursery when I was young. Years later her back yard was an outdoor oasis. The pool surrounded by gorgeous blooms, bushes and garden chachkis. There were birdhouses, fairy statues, bird baths and a relaxing little waterfall under a tree. When you stepped into that back yard you were transported from a suburban/urban town to a magic garden filled with love and roses.
In those last few months, yellow roses became her favorite. When she was dying, the amount of flowers, especially the yellow roses she received, was a sign. For both of us.
Thinking back on the time before she passed, yellow came up quite a bit. I remember her having these intense dreams and waking up with a sense of urgency. One afternoon she awoke suddenly from a dream. She grabbed my arm and said “I just had a dream about gorgeous, italian yellow leather heels, they were fabulous. We need them. Robbie needs to make them. We have to tell her to make them.”
Robyn Levy, we’ve known her since she was born. Our parents lived in the same apartment complex in Paterson, NJ before we were born and became lifelong friends. Having their support those last five weeks of momma’s life meant the world. Robyn is a gal of all trades if you will. Her drive to make her creative desires come true is amazing and inspirational. Not only is she a multi passionate entrepreneur, she’s got a heart of gold, always giving back where she can, helping her community and raising money for important causes.
One of her trades is fashion design. She’s the magical maven behind “Tushy Brand” for infants and toddlers. I remember her mother always saying, “look at that cute little tushy”, when we were young. She was later inspired by her sister’s battle with cancer to create these beauties at Denim Soul .
My mother was in awe of her talents. She would call me and say, “Robbie’s gonna take her show on the road, she’s going to fashion week in London. Can you believe our little Robbie, such a pistol.”
So that’s the backstory on why Robyn Levy would be the perfect candidate to make these, “FABULOUS, Italian yellow leather heels” my mom dreamed of.
She stared intensely into my eyes. “It has to be yellow though, bright yellow, like the sun.”
“Okay momma, bright yellow, just like the sun.” I stroked her arm gently.
One day in those last couple of weeks she was lying on the couch. She stared out of the big wall of windows that overlooked their garden. “How are you gonna know it’s me? When I’m gone? Nana’s a butterfly. What about me, what will I be?”
My heart squeezed and tears welled up behind my eyes. She was my best friend. We talked almost everyday at least once. She was my biggest fan and my shoulder to cry on. How was I having this fucking conversation with her right now? I thought we’d have more time. I took a deep breath. Then another. We proceeded to talk it through.
“How about a cardinal?” I offered.
“I love that, but that’s Poppy. It might get confusing.” she said.
“I don’t think so. If I think of you, it means it’s you. If I think of Poppy, it’s him.” I assured her.
Her dad, Murray, my Poppy, his sign, is a red cardinal. There’s a whole amazing story to that and I’ll tell it another time. In the meantime, we landed softly on birds. When a bird flew past I would know it was her. You honestly wouldn’t believe the amount of birds that fly across my path. ALL. THE. TIME. Especially when I’m driving and thinking. Like, literally right in front of my car. It’s wild.
In fact, knowing my mom’s sign was a bird saved my life, literally. Another incredible story for another post. The closer she came to crossing over, the more yellow roses came into the house. Her hospice bed in the den was surrounded with stunning flowers. Life in a room where death hovered.
She died just 5 weeks after her diagnosis of lung cancer. Little by little her body shut down. It was heartbreaking to witness. Still I held space and tried to BE there with her the whole journey.
The lung cancer, eventually swimming through her brain, took away most of her cognitive abilities. She slowly started losing her hearing. Her vision started to go before we got her home from the hospital. In those last few days she couldn’t speak. She would tap on my hand with her finger to answer questions or show me she was still there.
I was loosing her.
When she was unable to communicate and the yellow roses kept coming, I knew it was a sign...her sign...our sign. Afterall one sign wouldn’t do. We needed to be able to communicate as much as possible after she left. Birds, yellow roses and yellow heels was where we started. Now I feel her in the trees, the flowers and the whispers of the wind.
It’ll be six years this month, since she left her physical form on Earth. To say I’m grateful for the 39 years I had her in my life, is an understatement. She gave me life. She LOVED me in the deepest possible way. Even in our times of strife I knew and felt this love strongly. I was her everything. She told me that all the time. A tall order to fill. I tried my best.
I feel her in my heart. I do my best to keep her memory alive for my children. We honor her on her birthday and death day. Yes, her death day is sad but over the last couple of years I’ve created a beautiful ritual to honor her life, the lessons she taught me and her undeniable energy of unconditional love. And yes yellow roses are a key ingredient. This ritual has helped me lean into her death day, the month of June, with gratitude and grace. Which feels way better than overwhelmed and numb. That’s where I spent the first few years.
Loss is so hard. It’s energetically heavy. We miss our loved ones so much sometimes it’s hard to bare it. The first few years after she passed away I walked through life like a deer in headlights. Trying to process the death and loss of the woman who brought me earth side. The signs were subtle but they were there. As I allowed my heart to open back up, the messages and signs flowed easier through my channels. I could feel her.
Lately there’s been a lot of death around me. It’s sad, it’s heavy and it’s a part of the life cycle. Everyone wants a sign from their loved one. A way to know they are still around or doing ok. What I’ve started to understand as I work with and talk to people that are wanting signs from their lost loved ones…
They’re waiting for something BIG. Like Hollywood big. They want an undeniable - yes this is me form the other side! I’m fine and I’m rolling out all the stops to show you. Cue visit in a life-like dream please.
Here’s what I’ve learned through the losses in my life. Most of the time, the signs are subtle. The more you want them to show up, the tighter your grasp on how you think they should show up or that these signs should be show stoppers…the more you’re blocking the energy. Or you’re just missing all the subtle signs around you each day.
Example: You see a butterfly and think of your loved one. Your next thought is how you really wish they’d send you a sign already. THE BUTTERFLY IS THE SIGN, my love.
What if you slowed down? What if you set aside space to breathe and set the intention to honor your loved one, with only good intentions and 0 expectations? Hollywood has set the bar high with their fancy movies about the afterlife and the blatant signs these characters receive. Yes of course, sometimes people receive big signs like visits in dreams. Though, more often than not messages and signs from our loved ones are soft and subtle like the whispers of our soul.
I invite you to keep all of your senses open and bring awareness into your orbit. When you think of you loved one, notice where you are, what’s going on, what your smelling, seeing, hearing, feeling. Remember we all receive messages differently. I’ve found it’s important to let go of expectations and just surrender. Try it. See what happens. You might be pleasantly surprised.
The world moves so fast these days. It’s easy to get swept up in it all and miss out on “the moments” that matter. It’s up to you to create the SPACE you need to honor the things and people you hold dear. I’ve learned that time does help to heal wounds, soften the blow. What really seems to heal my highly sensitive soul is the intentional act of ritual.
I invite you to slow down and make space to honor your loved one. Take from this ritual what resonates and add in whatever makes it special for you.
For this ritual you’ll need:
*A quiet place in nature to perform your ritual
*Bunch of flowers, stems cut or something else from nature that reminds you of your loved one
*Photos of your loved one
*Oracle Deck of choice
*Rose quartz or other crystal
*Journal + pencil
*Tissues and water or tea
A friend of mine is a medium. A while back she shared that the fairy garden within Luna Garden (our backyard) was energetically a strong place to connect with my mom. So I always do my rituals near the fairy garden.
Here’s the ritual I use to honor my momma:
Sit on the ground with your spine comfortably elongated
Close your eyes and begin to breathe deeply and slowly
Set your intention:
My intention is to honor and connect with my momma’s energy.
4. Open the sacred space:
With gratitude for the sacred land of the Monocan tribes I begin my ritual (who were the indigenous people of the land you’re living on?) From the highest realm for my highest good I call in the spirits, guardians and angels of the East, keepers of AIR, the South, keepers of FIRE, the WEST, keepers of WATER and the North, keepers of EARTH. From the highest realm for the highest good I call in my spirit guides, ancestors and The Great Mother Goddess. I call in my mother, Joyce Carol Rosen, daughter of Murray and Laura Joffee. I am open to receiving messages and signs from you momma.
5. Continue breathing and keep all of your senses open
6. When you’re ready look through your pictures or album, allow memories to flood your heart
7. Breathe in gratitude for the times you shared with your loved one on Earth
8. Allow emotions to come as they are, if tears well up, let them flow, RELEASE, dear one
9. Lift the bowl of flowers and smell them, breathe in their healing power and let it wash through you
10. Whisper to the flowers all the things you want to tell your loved one
Momma, I love you and I miss you so much. I wish you could be here to see this beautiful garden and how incredible life has turned out for us. I’m so grateful. I miss your hugs, the way you knew something was wrong the second you heard my voice and how you used to look at me with so much love in your eyes. I wish you could see the kids and how much they’ve grown…
Say whatever flows out. Don’t overthink it. Just breathe, open your heart and release whatever is coming up for you, whatever you want to share. Again, if tears come up, let them flow. I whispered and cried into the bowl of flowers until I felt complete. I continued breathing to calm my nervous system.
11. Shuffle your Oracle Deck
12. Ask your loved one to speak to you through the cards:
Don’t have Oracle Cards? Place your hands over your heart and ask your loved one for a message, breathe and receive…
I’m so grateful for your guidance for your love and support and I’m open to receiving the most potent message you have for me in this moment. What do you need me to know?
13. Be still and allow your intuition to lead the way pull from the top, bottom or middle of the deck or spread them all out and see which ones seem to attract your attention
14. Pull as many cards as you feel called to
15. Breathe and receive the messages from the cards/guide book
16. Journal if you feel called
17. Stand and scatter the flowers on the land in front of you, around a tree or in your garden
18. Breathe in gratitude and love as you scatter the petals
19. Share anything else you want to with your loved one
20. Stay and visit as long as you like
Over the next few days I like to visit this spot in my garden. I just breathe and surrender. The signs always seem to come. Last year a yellow finch flew literally right across my path just a few inches from face, as I finished reading a message from the card I pulled. It proceeded to sit in a tree across the garden staring at me. I felt her so strongly, it took my breath away. It was magical.
If you’re hurting from the loss of a loved one, I’m wrapping you in a warm healing hug. Keep all of your senses open and surrender. Signs and messages are all around you.
Need some help learning how to surrender? There are some beautiful sacred feminine healing arts I’d love to share with you. Email me, let’s talk, maybe I can help you.
Sending you so much love + sensitivity, dear one.
Hxo