New Beginnings...
When 2020 began I had so many hopes and dreams.
I think most of us did. We were ready for a new beginning. Not only were we embarking on the journey of a new year, but a whole new decade. I for one wanted 2020 to be the year of connection. A wonderful beginning to the decade where my life’s work would really begin to take flight.
I was ready to throw down business roots locally.
As an introvert, this was a little scary, but I felt called to get out there and connect live and in-person with people in my community. I’d been doing a little of that by hosting women’s circles in my home, but I felt called to spread my light farther. I wanted to network, collaborate, circle, conjure, and connect with local, like-intentioned women.
I was just about three years past our incredibly stressful move and my unexpected cancer journey. I was finally ready to get back out into the world and play.
Or was I?
Sometimes our new beginnings aren’t exactly what we think they’ll be. The pandemic clearly had other plans for us all. Pre-COVID-19, my family was moving at an incredibly fast pace.
How about yours?
My husband was traveling 3-5 days for work every week, placing most of the weekly parenting responsibilities and logistics on me. My kids were playing sports, had music lessons and after- school activities. I was the room parent in my daughter’s 4th-grade class, teaching a theater class after school and slowly, but surely building my life’s work. We were traveling to see family and hosting visitors on the weekends we were home. Honestly, it was all extremely exhausting. My husband and I were like two ships passing in the night. It seemed we were always in “go mode.”
Constantly DOING.
There was barely any time to catch up or, more importantly, to be present. This is why I always talk about quiet alone time, sacred space, being in the moment, and the importance of connecting to your inner wisdom. I’m scratching my own itch here, people. It’s a lesson I have to remind myself ALL THE TIME!
Being a highly sensitive empath makes me a deep processor.
I get overstimulated easily and have a strong emotional response to most things. I’m also extremely sensitive to subtleties, like facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, energy, and the like. I feel all the feels all the time. I take everything in. All the things others miss, I absorb. This can be very challenging on an average day. Add any kind of stress, trauma, transition, busy schedule, or change to the mix and I go into what I like to call…
TURTLE MODE, though lately my husband and I just call me…the turtle.
Look, we all have our own pace, right?! And if memory serves me, in the age-old tale about the turtle and the hare…slow and steady wins the race. Not that there’s a race, or that I’m trying to win anything, but you get the idea.
I slow down and just shrink into my shell. I get quiet and very internal. I try my best to keep the outside world…OUT. Phone calls and doorbells make me tense. How dare anyone try to intrude on my shell time? I’m processing some deep shit here, people. Sometimes this is exactly what I need. Other times it causes me to become disconnected in an unhealthy way. It’s like I want to freeze time, so I can catch up on all of the processing I still need to do. But, sometimes I get carried away.
Back in 2015 when I started to TRULY understand MY high sensitivity, what it meant to be an empath and how it was all affecting me, I quickly realized two things that were missing in my daily life…nature + quiet alone time.
After spending what felt like an eternity manifesting a sacred space in nature to call my own, in 2017 we landed here in Crozet Virginia, a little town tucked away into the Blue Ridge Mountains, just outside of Charlottesville. Here in our beautiful back yard, where the stunning garden that the previous owners built lives and breathes, I continue to learn the value of healthy Quiet Alone Time. What an incredible teacher nature can be, especially for us turtle-like highly sensitive empaths.
Peony bush in Luna Garden…nature just doing her thing.
Luna Garden, our backyard sanctuary, has truly held this little turtle while she heals emotionally, physically, and mentally. The amount of gratitude I have for this land is immeasurable. She has taught me to honor my personal seasons and cycles. To be OK with my pace. She’s taught me time and time again that it’s all in the timing and we all have our very own rhythms. Watching her season after season she shares just how important it is to honor our personal winter and that from the darkness emerges brilliant light. She continuously shows me that new beginnings are everywhere, not just in January.
When was the last time you really allowed nature to be your teacher?
Step outside and just look around. See how the flowers bloom in their own time. The peony bushes in our garden started to bud in early April, maybe even late March. Honestly, time is kind of a blur these days. All around this beautiful plant other flowers bloomed quickly. Lilacs, day-lilies, and irises wasted no time being the very first to burst into their stunning colorful creations. The cherry blossoms and the dogwood quickly followed. But the Peony, she was still in bud form. She took her time. She didn’t rush just because all her flower friends were already in full bloom. She honors her own cycle and slowly allows herself to blossom when the time is right for her. And that even goes for each individual flower on the bush!
Last week, mid-May, the very first peony began to open. They really are my most favorite flowers. Just when you think they can’t open anymore, they magically do. All of this is to say that just because our hopes and dreams might be put on hold for now, it’s all in the timing. Maybe mother nature needed us to all slow down and remember what it’s like to be a human BEING. We’re so busy, hustling to some imaginary finish line that doesn’t even exist.
We are NOT human DOINGS!
She took her time and opened slowly…look at her now.
Although this uncertain time has been scary and challenged all of our systems, at least for my family, there has been some light. And for this, I’m eternally grateful. We’ve had to slow down. My husband has been home since the week of March 9th and has no plans to travel any time soon. In our twenty years of love, this is the most time we’ve spent together physically. Lucky for us, it turns out we truly do love being together. Since our kids have been born this is the most time they’ve spent consecutively with their dad. It’s a gift. We started taking on the care of Luna Garden for the first time with no help. We’ve planted vegetables and worked the land every weekend. Together. Slowing down has forced us to be more present with each other.
We are CONNECTING.
So maybe my original hope for a year of connection wasn’t so far off.
Those hopes and dreams from January are still within me and I bet yours are too. They still might be seeds and perhaps they’ve morphed a bit. Maybe instead of being a day lily you’ve spent time in this darkness and decided you’d rather be a peony and honor your own pace and rhythm. Or maybe you’re still sitting in the darkness of winter and that’s OK too. Remember, there are opportunities for new beginnings all around us. You don’t have to feel like a failure till January 2021 rolls around.
Let mother nature teach you about new beginnings and fresh starts. You’ll see as the sun rises each day that there is an energy of a fresh start, the possibility to begin again. The smell of the fresh flowers and the songs of the morning birds remind you that every day, every hour, every season, every breath you are gifted a new beginning. How you choose to use that gift is entirely up to you.
On Friday, May 22nd, 2020 the moon begins her cycle around 1:38 EDT. If you’re looking to nature to be your guide, she’s inspiring you to ride the energy of this new moon and begin again.
Take a few minutes over the next day or so to sit quietly in nature.
Close your eyes.
Place one hand on heart and the other on your womb.
Breathe slowly, deeply and with intention.
Quiet the chaos of our loud world and give yourself permission to tune in to your inner wisdom.
Ask yourself: What am I holding on to that is no longer serving my highest good?
Say out loud: I release ____________________.
Taking the time to release negative or stuck energy, old stories or dated patterns allows you to make space for something new. Maybe you’re wanting to start a new project or practice. Perhaps you want to give that dream from January another go. Allowing yourself to let go of what’s not serving your highest good will support you in clearing the channels within you for creating space to plant this new seed, this new idea, this new beginning.
Ask yourself: What am I feeling called to begin right now? What is my intention for this new moon?
Usually, your intuition will come within the first 30-60 seconds. If it doesn’t, ask again and again. Be still and just listen. Once you’ve got your intention, write it down on a small piece of paper. Keep that paper somewhere safe. Go back to it often and allow nature to remind you that there is always an opportunity to begin again. Honor your personal seasons and remember it’s all in the timing.
So what seeds are you planting? What intention are you setting? When life came to a hault and we had to slow down, what came up for you? Have your hopes and dreams shifted since January?
Please share in the comments below. We just love hearing your stories.
With love + sensitivity,
Heather xo