Just breathe…

Did you know that deep breathing can trigger your relaxation response? This tiny golden nugget helped me in more ways than I could’ve ever imagined. In the modern human experience we spend a lot of time in fight or flight mode when we really don’t need to be there. As highly sensitives we experience everything at a deeper level and that includes this innate flight or fight response to stress. 

Life can be chaotic, loud and busy, that’s why intentional breathing is ESSENTIAL, especially for highly sensitives.

I promise you, we ALL have time for 3 deep cleansing breaths in our daily life. It’s funny, breathing is something we do all day long, it’s how we stay alive. Yet so often we forget to slow down and breathe deeply with intention when something triggers our stress response.   

There was a time in my life where I was just forgetting the benefits of breath, or maybe I never really learned how to use breath to support my highest good. During this time in my life, even my regular breathing was shallow, sporadic at best. My curiosity and attraction to meditation continued but I barely had time to pee by myself. There certainly wasn’t time to crack the code on meditation, which I thought had to be perfect posture and a totally clear brain, free of thoughts, empty, happy to say I was wrong… more on that later.

I was a shell of myself…lost in the duties of motherhood, being a wife and the overwhelm of being a highly sensitive empath. Which at this point I had no freakin’ clue what that really meant. I was beyond overwhelm, past overload. I was in the danger zone. I was depressed and sleeping with a baseball bat or a broom under my bed on the nights my husband traveled for work. Yes, I’m aware…I was an anxious mess. My kids were 2 + 4 and we were “in it” as they say. 

Something had to shift before I hit the ground. Before my body completely gave up on me. I could feel her getting weaker with each chronic illness and all the lovely side effects. So, I dug deep, I fought my way through the anxiety and depression and I dug deeper than I’d ever thought possible. I stopped allowing everyone around me to tell me how I was feeling and why. Saying I was “just tired” or that I was “only experiencing the typical stress of a young stay at home mom”. It was so much more than that, my intuition tried to tell me so. But I couldn’t really hear her.

I stood my ground and became more honest with myself than ever before. 

Nobody was going to reach out and save me.

I had to save myself…

On paper, I had everything I ever wanted. A loving husband, two sweet babies, a house in the burbs and a big shaggy dog with a fenced in yard to roam. I was privileged to stay at home with my babies and not work (well I worked my ass off, I just wasn’t getting paid). Yet I was so negative, so hard on myself. And each negative thought created another, wiring my brain in this dark unfamiliar way.

I had so much to be grateful for but I felt like I was drowning, suffocating. I felt so alone and desperate.

But, what the heck did I have to complain about, or be upset about? I had the life I’d always dreamed of. Now I see what was missing from my life back then…ME! I’d written myself out of the script people! I was like a stage manager in the life I was supposed to be starring in. What the actual what? That’s when it hit me, I remember telling my husband one night on the front porch…

 “This is not me being tired, something is very wrong, I can’t make decisions, I have trouble focusing, I’m always a nervous wreck, I’m exhausted even when I sleep, I yell at the kids all the time, this is NOT me…I need help.”  

 

And so my healing journey began…

First stop

MEDICATION.  

Yes… you read that right…medication not meditation, not yet. 

No shame in this game. After some trial and error I found a pill that worked for me. About 3 weeks in some of the foggy layers began to dissipate, there was much inner work to be done, heck there still is, but this was a great start. I could finally see a little light through the darkness. I’m beyond grateful for the support and just as grateful to say after almost a decade, this coming spring it’ll be one year since I’ve stopped taking meds for my anxiety and depression.

(I went off of them with the supervision of a doctor and my husband. If you’re on these kinds of meds PLEASE DO NOT stop taking them without others supporting you!)

I’ve come a long way and if you’re struggling you can too.

By learning how to understand your sensitivities, your triggers you can truly start to honor your needs and fill your medicine bag with a variety of natural wonders. There is light in the darkness, I promise. Often I wonder… if I knew more about meditation, breathwork, chakras, energy, being highly sensitive, the patriarchy and all of it’s brainwashing and the ridiculous standards I was holding myself to as a mom, as a woman…maybe I wouldn’t have needed the medication. But dwelling on the past is a waste of precious time.

Instead it’s become my mission to be vulnerable and share my story. Instead of wondering what if, I’m focused on sharing the healing medicine I’ve learned and continue to learn so that maybe someone out there won’t have to suffer quite as much as I did. 

My healing journey continued…

THERAPY came next.

I’m a big proponent of talk therapy. Although I can tell you from experience it’s not always easy to find “the one”. My advice is to think of it as an interview and you are the one doing the interviewing. Check-in, if it doesn’t feel right, if you don’t feel a connection, trust your intuition and move on. There are plenty of therapists out there, so don’t waste time feeling bad about it. I speak from experience. I stayed with my first therapist WAY longer than my intuition told me to. By therapist number 2 my intuition got louder and I moved on very quickly. Happy to say lucky number 3 was beyond anything I’d hoped for.

Dr. Jilly held space for me, listened to me, shared helpful tools, held my hand, let me cry, cheered me on, introduced me to meditation, reintroduced me to myself, my resilience and strength, she taught me to set boundaries, to put myself back in the leading role and take the wheel. She helped me take back the confidence I’d lost as a child, she validated my feelings, she understood me and genuinely cared. She helped me process the unexpected death of my mother and the all the lies I’d been told most of my life. She held space for my highly sensitive children as they struggled to make sense of our crazy chaotic world. I’m eternally grateful for this beautiful woman and her sage wisdom.

When she understood how suffocating my anxiety was she asked me to try this…

*Close you’re eyes 

*take a slow, deep, cleansing breath

*Repeat 2x

*Practice 3 x a day

 

“Honey, you can do it anywhere. At a stoplight, in the bathroom, while your cooking dinner. Just do it!”

This simple breathing practice shifted things for my highly sensitive soul in magical ways. If you’re dealing with anxiety and depression, if you’re on overload and need something simple to help you calm your nervous system…

3 deep breaths 3 x a day is a great place to start. 

I invite you to try it. Maybe before bed and when you wake up in the morning. But really anytime is a great time. 

Just Breathe. 

Intentionally. 

Results will be magical.

Do you struggle with anxiety + depression? Are you feeling emotionally flooded? Maybe you’re at the beginning of your journey and don’t get this highly sensitive trait at all? Just know this…

You’re not alone.

I’d love to hear more about your highly sensitive journey, just email divinelysensitive@gmail.com  let’s connect, maybe I can support you?

With love + sensitivity,

Heather xo